There was a report the other day that the Washington Nationals might have mild interest in Pedro Martinez. I’ll repeat that. The Washington Nationals (team ERA 5.24, 3-12, last place in the National League East, 7.5 games back)  might have mild interest in Pedro Martinez (career ERA 2.91, .684 winning percentage, 3117 K’s, three-time Cy Young Award winner).

Mild interest?

You know, like Bernie Madoff has mild interest in a plea deal. Like Lindsay Lohan has mild interest in finding her dignity. Like the Scarecrow has mild interest in finding a brain.

But, oh wait. Turns out that report was mistaken. The Nationals don’t want to disrupt their vaunted starting rotation of John Lannan, Scott Olsen, Daniel Cabrera, Shairon Martis, and Jordan Zimmerman. Because, obviously, Pedro Martinez would have nothing to offer to a bunch of young pitchers.

These are strange days indeed, friends.

Martinez is one of the best pitchers of his generation. Maybe the best. Everywhere he’s been he’s brought a winning attitude to his team. If it wasn’t for Pedro, David Ortiz never gets a chance to hit those home runs in the ’04 ALCS, and we’re still talking about the Curse of the Bambino. Had it not been for the 1994 players strike it’s a good bet he’d have put the freaking Montreal Expos into the World Series (ironically, had that actually happened, it may have established enough real baseball interest in Montreal to keep  The ‘Spos from picking up and moving to D.C.). Pedro’s a sure-fire, first-ballot Hall of Famer.  He’s a great competitor, he’s incredibly smart, and he’s a great clubhouse guy. All are qualities the Nationals really could use.

It’s true that he’s now 37-years-old, and yes, he’s had injuries the last three years. In fact he’s only averaged a little better than 80 innings a year since 2006. But he has looked good lately. He pitched six scoreless innings for the Dominican Republic in the World Baseball Classic. Scouts are saying he appears to be in better shape than he ever was during his time with the Mets.

He’s asking for a lot of money, but not a bank-breaking sum. The reports are he wants a one-year, $5 million dollar deal. But a guy like that needs to pitch more than he needs to get paid, and there isn’t a major league GM who doesn’t understand that.

So, for a team like the Nationals who have real problems at the gate, in the win column, in the bullpen, in the clubhouse, and in the Dominican Republic, Pedro makes perfect sense. He could mentor that young and promising rotation, and allow Manager Manny Acta to move Daniel Cabrera into the bullpen (sorry, Nats fans, but Julian Tavarez is a nightmare just waiting to happen).

He would go a long way toward healing the damage done by Jim Bowden in the Latin community. And he would sell tickets, because he would win. The fact that they don’t see any reason to sign him just illustrates depth of that organization’s dysfunction and incompetence.