I go through this every year.

Once the World Series is over, my focus lands squarely on the NFL, and more specifically, the sad-sack Minnesota Vikings. With only sixteen games on the schedule, every week is a must win game, and if they’re playing the Packers or the Bears, you want them to win twice on the same day. NFL Sundays are very intense.

Then shortly before baseball season starts, we are treated to the premier sporting event in America, the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament. You know how it goes. You fill out a bracket, throw some money to the guy in the corner cubicle at your office, then spend the next three weeks living and dying with the tournament. The one-and-done format makes every game intense, at least for a half. Every game played is the most important one of the season.

So then, just as the Final Four has me whipped into a mouth-foaming frenzy, along comes baseball season. And all that stuff I love about the game – the slow pace, the intricate strategy, and the six-month, 162-game schedule – works against me.

I’ve spent the offseason watching sporting events on the edge of my seat, and biting my nails. I watch my team drop the home opener, and suddenly all that optimism I had during spring training is gone. They lose two of their first three, and I’ve decided that they suck. Can’t hit. Can’t pitch. Can’t play defense. They suck!

Then to top it off, you watch that guy in the bullpen you just knew during spring training was going to be whale manure give up a grand slam to Kevin Freaking Millar, and you’re ready to call for the heads of the GM, the manager, the pitching coach, and the guy who sold you your ticket. We’re two weeks in, and the season is over!

So, my message to all of you out there – including myself – is this:

Chill.

You must chill.

This means you in south Philly, who have watched Bret Myers and Cole Hamels pitch as though they’re still hung over from the championship party last October. And you in Boston. This time last week, you looked at the standings and the beloved Red Sox were in LAST PLACE! Relax, really.

And over in Cleveland, yes you just saw your team open up a holy can of whoop ass in the Bronx, but you know very well that your team has lost twice as many games as it’s won. Hell, you darn near went a week before you saw them get the first of the 100 wins you were predicting in late March.

And speaking of the Bronx … yes, Vinny the Yankee Fan, you also need to take a pill. I know how much they spent in the offseason. And, I know all about that gargantuan, audacious Vatican City of Baseball your team has just opened. And I know you think this team is desecrating the memory of every Yankee from Babe Ruth to Butch Wynegar, but Dude. It’s only the third week in April.

And, by the way, I have the same message for you fans of the Mariners, the Royals, the Padres and the Blue Jays. It’s a long season. Don’t order your playoff tickets just yet.

Everyone take a deep breath. Even you, Rich in Minnesota, who is ready to cut Alexi Casilla’s heart out with a rusty spoon. Maybe especially you.

Division titles and pennants aren’t won in April. If you don’t like your bullpen, it’s ok, because by September it won’t look anything like it does now. Your favorite player can’t hit 30 home runs in 14 games, I assure you. This isn’t the NCAA tournament, and it sure as hell isn’t the NFL. Stop watching your game as if it were.

Crack open a beer, and relax. That’s what the game is all about.